Bingo!

Today I had the pleasure of introducing a friend to Bingo at Foxwoods. A few observations:

About halfway through, you question why you don't do this more often. By hour 5 you swear you will never do it again..

Whenever I want to relive my college days at our college bar, Mory's, I only need to enter the bingo hall. You can travel back in time to the mid -90s when smoking was still allowed in bars. Just close your eyes and inhale deeply. It will take a calendar year off of your life, but the nostalgia is worth it.

Because of said smoke, upon returning home - immediately disrobe at your washing machine, and thorw your clothes in. Wash on the longest setting. Then proceed to take a shower or bath and SCRUB the nicotine off your body. This is the only way you will be able to salvage your clothes and not smell like an ashtray for the next week.

There are over 20 rounds of bingo, with the minimum payout for your $25 is $1800. There are 1000s of people present. Smoking, angry, serious bingo players. Do not delude yourself. You are not going to win. If for some reason you do, you will be attacked with canes, walkers, oxygen tank, and cigarettes.... lots and lots of cigarettes....

There are over 20 rounds of bingo, with the minimum payout for your $25 is $1800. There are 1000s of people present. Smoking, angry, serious bingo players. Do not delude yourself. You are not going to win. If for some reason you do, you will be attacked with canes, walkers, oxygen tank s, and cigarettes.... lots and lots of cigarettes....

People dress up, wear colorful hats to look like daubers. It is the octogenarian version of cosplay.

"The Case of the Missing Shoes" or "A Run In with the Law"

In order to understand this story, you have to understand my living arrangement, so bear with me. I own a condo (which is a little misleading because it is really just a very small two bedroom apartment, but I pay a mortgage so it counts!). There are a total of 4 units in my building: mine, an apartment across the hall, one beneath that and one directly beneath mine.

The occupant beneath me, Stephen, is a gentleman about 40 years old. He has some medical issues and has trouble speaking. I guess I would describe him as slow, but I really have no idea what his deal is.

So the story begins with a dinner with some friends. Now I never invite more than a couple of people over at a time because (as I pointed out) my place is small and seating is limited. But this being the holiday season and me really wanting to have some of my favorite people over, the guest list reached 5.

I made dinner and then we played some games, in all a very low key evening. Around 8:30 Stephen comes and pounds on my door...hard. In all honesty, I anticipated this. Stephen has a short fuse and often complains at the slightest noise coming from my apartment.

I answer the door and he starts yelling about the noise of the foot steps coming from my apartment. I told him we would try to keep it down and closed the door, explaining to my guests not to worry, he complains all the time. We all go back to playing games and occasionally we hear him pound on his ceiling, but I ignore it because the noise that is being made by us is reasonable. He comes up one more time and knocks on the door, but I don't open it as I refuse to deal with him.

So the rest of the evening is spent playing games and just having a good time. When the evening ends, my guests go to put on their shoes, which were left in the hallway because it had snowed and they had left them out as to not mess up the floors (very courteous of them). However, one of the pairs of shoes is missing. I thought the owner of the shoes was kidding. He was not.

Instantly, I have my suspect. I go down to Stephen's apartment and knock on his door. He is pissed and says he was sleeping. I ask him about the shoes. He denies having taken them. I then threaten to call his sister and the police.

Now here is the part that really makes the story to me... He says he didn't take them but check the dumpster. He closes the door and I head out to the dumpster to find the shoes on top of a trash bag. So I fish them out and my guests are on their way.

So you would think this would be the end of the story, well it isn't. About an hour later the police show up. Stephen has called to complain about the noise. Without going into too much detail, I talk to the cops and explain the situation. Apparently Stephen turned himself in on the shoes, and, thinking we hadn't retrieved them, was currently dumpster diving for them. I told the cops that we had gotten them out, but they were annoyed with him and let him look while we chatted. Basically, they encouraged me to talk with Stephen's sister, which I have done and haven't heard a thing from him since.

So what have I learned from this? Keep your guest's shoes IN the condo at all times! I just hope my guests wern't so annoyed by the situation that they would be hesitant to return.

Everything is status quo

I was tinkering with my profile on Facebook and inadvertently caused a little bit of a stir amongst my friends and family. One of the options on your profile is "Relationship status" and I have always left that field with nothing selected. You see, for me Facebook started out as a work tool for me to keep in contact with the college students I work with and felt that field was irrelevant in regards to my work. However it has since morphed into a tool (addiction) I use in all aspects of my life, so I m looking at it in a bigger scope, but I digress....

Anyways, I decided to list myself as single, which is all fine and good until you see that, for privacy reasons, I only list my name, hometown, and birthday. Now you add "Relationship Status: Single" and it looked to me to be very conspicuous, so I decided to leave that status blank. After all, I have worked hard to create "the Ian mystique", I don't want to ruin it by giving up all my secrets on Facebook, right?

Well, Facebook's feed picked up my activity and posted "Ian Martin is no longer listed as single", which is misleading at best. This started messages coming in from friends and family nosing around for dirt.

So let me clear the air: I am single. When that changes I will most likely tell anyone who matters (and probably some who don't) personally. After all if the is one thing I have learned this year, it is you have to be very careful with the Facebook relationship status, as this clip from the Big Bang Theory points out:

A Pirate's Life For Me

After 6 days of vacation, I have decided I need to live at the ocean. This probably means I need to change my vocation. Here are some careers that would help me in my dream to live at the sea.

1. Professional surfer:
Pros - counter culture lifestyle, new way of speaking, bettys.

Cons - don't know how to surf, danger of looking too old to be a surfer, lack of agility, shark attack.

2. Fisherman:
Pros - Free seafood, cool boat, plenty of opportunity to quote Jaws "we're going to need a bigger boat"

Cons - I don't like seafood, I get severely seasick, I could do without the smell.

3. Pirate:
Pros - Cool parrot, cool lingo (AAarrrgghh), cool boat, fun nicknames, progressive disability policies (peglegs and hooks, a plus)

Cons - seasickness again, I'm a lover, not a fighter, fear of scurvy.

So, based on this list, I don't Think I have found my dream oceanside career. Any suggestions?

An Outrage You Should Be Aware of....

Dunkin Donuts has been a signature staple of the New England Area for as long as I can remember. It's auspicious beginnings started in the Providence/Boston area in the 1940s. (Check out the Wikipedia entry for a detailed history)

As a staple of New England, they have always allied themselves with New England teams, and is what I thought, a proud supporter of the Red Sox Nation. Right now if you walk into any Dunk's in the MA area, a cutout (albeit a little creepy) of Jonathan Papelbon will greet you, taunting you to buy donuts with a frightening leer. Cool! Here is a brand synonimus with Boston/New England supporting our teams. (And yes, D&D is synonimous with Boston, as I challenge you to walk more than 3 blocks in dowtown Boston and NOT find a D&D francise. No other major metropolitan area has the saturation of Dunks than Boston). So I have always applauded the corporation for sponsoring our home teams even when they were not the World Champions they are today.

So, you can imagine my surprise, while visiting upstate New York last weekend, I stop in to the local Dunkin Donuts, to get a small taste of home, and I am affronted by the listless, dull stare of a Joba Chamberlain cutout! Basically, if you go into any Dunks in the New York area, they have the same marketing, just sub Papelbon with Joba. They are even in the same creepy pose, although Joba looks like he is kind of confused, or an errant butterfly caught his attention during the photo shoot. But I digress...

Now I am not naive enough to think that Dunks should bring the marketing of a rival team to the New York area. However, I didn't expect such a cavalier approach to catering to the whims of non-New Englanders! Where is the loyalty? To replace a Red Sox hero with a New York souless chump just to sell some donuts!

So I am feeling cheated. I am continually let down by my coffee and donut establishments. Just check out this archived post on Bess Eaton to know the depths of my pain! So I am calling out to you, dear readers, comment and let me know what you think. Is my outrage warranted? Or am I way off base?

Happy Fenway Opening Day!

Enjoy the video!

Call me Gilgamesh!

One of my favorite bands that you should be listening to is Thy Might Be Giants. I went to see them in May and wrote about it here.

This weekend I am going to see They Might Be Giants twice! (Long story as to why, but it should be fun!).

Anyways, here is their new video for "The Mesopatamians". Enjoy!

They Might Be Giants - The Mesopotamians