"Me Talk Pretty": Folk you!

My sister and I set out to the Clearwater Festival. Somehow I have missed out on folk festivals. My sister has been going for years. The Newport Folk Festival has been a family tradition for the last 4 or five years thanks to her. I lived in Virginia and North Carolina in the time that this family tradition was starting, so I hadn't attended one until last August's Newport Folk Festival. However, I am fully initiated now.

You mention folk festivals to me and it used to bring up images of bad campfire music, you know "Kumbaya" and that stuff. Well thankfully it has progressed a long way. It is still very steeped in a progressive mind set, often commentating on the evils of the conservative agenda, but basically it is the music originating with a singer and a guitar and a vision that the world can be a better place. These gatherings of music and like minded people paved the way for the numerous national festivals (Lollapalooza) that have become popular.

So you would think a musical tradition so steeped in hippie love would just be a love fest, wouldn't you? Well let me tell you, it ain't. It is all about space. This was really a foreign concept to me until last year an alarm went off at 5:00 am and my sister, my father, and I headed to the Newport Folk Festival in order to wait in line to be able to be the first ones through the gate to get the best spot in front of the stage for the day. As soon as the perfect spot was located, blankets are set up, coolers strategically placed to mark boundaries. Within 15 minutes not a patch of grass in front of the stage could be seen.

After we staked our claim, the reinforcements showed up. My mother and the rest of our crew arrived as reinforcements to help protect our site. They brought the supplies that would keep us strong through the battle ahead.

We then scouted out our "neighbors". I actually hesitate to call them that. Adversaries are more like it. Like Columbus to the new world, these people are looking to conquer your area and put their claim into it. This is how most wars start; with border skirmishes. And we are supposed to be gathered in the spirit global peace and harmony. That is all well and good, but would you get your damn foot off of my blanket? No you can't put you chair there, I have been here for 10 hours. Screw you for getting here late, this is my spot!

Clearwater (a fundraiser for environmental causes) was worse than this for a couple of reasons. First it was just my sister and I so we were out numbered. But really we had inferior technology. People actually brought expandable, half shell shelters. You know what these are? Picture a nylon structure that is essentially used to create shade. Parents often use them for their kids on the beach, but here they are used in a diabolical manner: To create an unencroachable space. It was out of hand. These "good neighbors" set these things up, virtually blocking 5 rows behind them.

These five rows then form a temporary alliance, appoint an ambassador to be sent forth to negotiate. The ambassador is usually met with "But we have kids with us who will burn in the hot sun, we need it" The ambassador counters with, "Then set it up in the back, where it isn't an obstruction" There isn't really a counter argument to this, but all these people need is the "I am doing it for the kids" excuse to maintain their self-righteous outlook on the situation. It is 50/50 that they will move, but if they don't, they will have to endure a day full of thrown missiles of wrappers, stones, and twigs along with a slew of suggestions on where they can place their tent that are not as feasible (or comfortable) as the original "set it up in the back of the field" idea.

Both of these festivals are two day events so the skirmishes that began day one became all out wars day two. At Clearwater, we decided on a new strategy. The sun was hot and we both got a little burned the day before, so shade was looking good. At the back end of the field was a huge willow. We decided to forgo a prime spot at the front of the stage in order to create a command center from this willow. We then deployed a small blanket closer to the stage that we would migrate to when acts we wanted a good view were performing. Knowing that this small blanket would be left unguarded, my sister forged alliances with the neighboring "blanket states" allowing them access to the area when not in use. There has never been a better diplomatic approach to a war time scenario! People now were guarding our premium space and we were free to roam. We checked in on both spots often, so people knew we hadn't defected to another "blanket state".

The closer at Clearwater was Ani DiFranco. Ani has become a staple at festivals for 2 reasons:

1.) She is truly an awesome songwriter and performer

2.) She is a huge draw.

This means that a lot of Ani fans came just to see her. Now old school Ani fans are awesome. They knew her before she was huge and still love her. My sister is one of these people. However there is a whole generation of fans that have to be the most obnoxious breed of fans ever. These fans arrived late on the day on Sunday, so the whole dynamic changed. After a whole day of border disputes, people had negotiated whatever treaties were necessary and were finally comfortable. Then the teeny bopper Ani fans came in and tried to take over. War escalated between the "folkies" and the "Anites". The Anites felt that no matter who was where, no one had more of a sovereign right to the land than they did. This was a rare opportunity to get close to the goddess herself, and screw your peace loving self if you try to stop me. The folkies were tired at this point and not a real match for the Anites. They made a valiant attempt but were more or less overwhelmed by these newcomers.

The sun was setting over the banks of the Hudson River and, as Ani sang about peace and equality, the Anites took over the precious landscape, pushing the dejected tree hugging folkies into makeshift reservations. My sister and I left Ani's set a few minutes early, and as we walked by what had to be hundreds the Anites gas guzzling SUVs in the parking lot, I came to the conclusion that if there is one common equalizer to the human element, it is that we are all assholes.

Peace.

If you subscribe to the Rhapsody music service, click the link below to sample a playist from artists found at the Clearwater festival:
RHAPSODY Link "Clearwater Artists"