Put me in, coach!

I woke this morning with a sore arm, making typing difficult. I guess six and a half hours of Wiffle Ball will do that. The games started at 3:00 and went to 9:30, pausing only for a quick dinner break. When it became dark, utility lights were placed around the field making night play a possibility. I am pleased to say that in a best of five series, our team emerged the reigning champions!

Now, I am not a sports playing (or watching) individual, so any physical competition (even one as limited as wiffle ball) tends to cause slight anxiety. Sure I played about one season each of basketball, baseball, and soccer when I was a kid, but that got in the way of T.V. so I soon eliminated all organized youth sports from my agenda. The result being that if you ask me some obscure fact about a 1980's television show and I excel, but ask me to throw a little plastic ball with holes in it, well you better not expect too much (and you might be wise to seek cover).

However I held my own. I attribute this to two things: First I was fairly adept at getting a base hit, so when any of the more athletically inclined hit a home run, I had usually put a man on base, increasing our score. But really I attributed it to the alcohol being consumed. As the day wore on, I found the skill level of everyone on the field leveling out. I only had one beer, so by halfway through the game, we all looked equally pathetic.

We also pissed of the cranky next door neighbor, which was an added benefit. The neighbor is one of those poor souls who has I think outlasted or ostracized herself from all human beings in her life. My friends on multiple occasions have helped her out with tasks (mowing her lawn, shovelling snow, etc.) and she has just been mean to them. She called code enforcement on a boat he had stored in his side yard, which as she found out, was perfectly legal. She did this without even bothering to first complain about it to my friends. This is just one example of the many spiteful things she has done to them. So you know, she is just a miserable human being.

Well, in preparation for the big tourny, my friend (nick named groundskeeper Willie for the day) had anticipated this. He went to Lowes and dropped $50 on supplies to erect netting to prevent long hits going in her yard. Her yard is guarded by a crotch high fence that you can step over. It is of the chain link variety. The last time he played, apparently she scolded him for stepping over the fence to retrieve the ball. She was worried about two things:

1. That he would damage the (metal) fence
2. The local "black children" (her words) would start entering her yard

Well, in addition to being just irrational, any sympathy for her condition was eliminated by her racist standpoint. As far as I was concerned, it was "Game On!".

(note: I am still wondering what any children (black or otherwise) would find appealing in her yard. Is she hoarding sweets? Does she have a "slip and slide" in her back yard? I can not figure out why she is worried that the neighborhood kids are just waiting for an opportunity to jump the fence and loiter on her property.)

So this net was extended to prevent balls from entering her yard. The net stood twelve feet high. Apparently not high enough. It was soon apparent that the net just raised the bar. On previous games the balls would clear the fence by five feet max. With the net in place, people were hitting it 10 feet higher. There is probably a metaphor in there for setting your goals high, but I will leave it at that.

Needless to say, she would come out and yell any time one of our many wiffle balls made it into her yard. We would hear a stream of profanities, followed by the balls being flung back. We then chorused a big "Thank you". Very sugary sweet.

In the end, the day was a blast. I got to reconnect with my good college friends and share some laughs. The day also reminded me that the summer is half over and that I need to get cracking if I am do half as much relaxing as I had intended for this summer. Hopefully we will get one more tourny in before the season ends.

Ian

In the spirit of baseball, I am inviting baseball themed song lists to be posted in the comment section. The intent is to have a mix tape for our next tourny. I have a few, of the obvious, but be creative!